


Cake of Peace

by ThymeSprite



Series: Nagging the Avengers [1]
Category: Captain America (Movies), Marvel Cinematic Universe, The Avengers (Marvel Movies)
Genre: Austria, F/M, Male-Female Friendship, Sachertorte solves problems, Stubborn Steve Rogers
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2015-08-22
Updated: 2015-08-22
Packaged: 2018-04-16 16:24:48
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 8,208
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/4632024
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/ThymeSprite/pseuds/ThymeSprite
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Steve and Dr. Kerstin Schäfer tend to get into fights because he mistrusts the Austrian scientist.<br/>One day, she's had it with his constant contempt.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Cake of Peace

**Author's Note:**

> This oneshot is based on [this prompt](http://thefandomimagine.tumblr.com/post/126937664604/submitted-by-anonymous).

“Dr. Shaver!”, someone yelled over the lab’s intercom to get Kerstin’s attention. It sounded urgent, so she refrained from correcting his pronunciation of her last name, Schäfer, as it was a common enough name in Austria where she was from. But the first American to ever write her name had seriously asked her why there were two smudges above the a, the next one had asked her why she had not cleaned her name plate. She had given up soon after that.

“What’s the matter?”, she enquired and was told, “Your presence is requested in the infirmary. The Avengers have just returned from their mission.”

Without a moment’s hesitation, Kerstin jumped to her feet, leaving the protocol to be finished at a later hour, and stormed off, hastily asking: “Serious injuries?”

“Not sure, Dr. Shaver, but nothing too grave.”

Not this many details, please, she thought sarcastically, but rushed on and upon reaching the infirmary, she asked: “Anyone seriously hurt?”

“Hey, cupcake.”, Tony, greeted her, a nurse tending to the cut on his brow, “Or what was that cake from your home again?”

“Sachertorte.”, she muttered, but then asked again, “Anyone hurt?”

“Nothing bad.”, Sam reassured her with a smile, but the doctor leaning over his left hand snorted, “I beg to differ. You’re lucky you can still feel your fingers.”

“Nah, I’ve been worse.”, Sam shrugged with a grin, but it left Kerstin to look around, wondering why she had been called to the infirmary. Then she spotted two things that would warrant her presence. One of them she really wanted to deal with, the other…not so much, but she figured that she probably should. So, squaring her narrow shoulders, she ignored the newly developed wing of Falcon’s gear to be inspected later, and instead she took a deep breath for courage and walked up to Captain Rogers, asking him with the friendliest smile she could muster: “Are you injured, Captain?”

He glanced at her, terrible coldness in his eyes, maybe as cold as the ice that had preserved him for seventy years and he growled: “Not that badly.”

Her smile tensed, just the tiniest bit, a feat of which she was honestly proud, then she continued: “I may not be a medical doctor, but I can tend to the cut on your cheek. I should be disinfected at least.”

“Forget it.”, he stated hostilely, and as if that had not been enough, he crossed his arms in front of his broad chest, “German scientists have already done enough damage.”

Kerstin took another deep breath, calming her as best she could, even closing her eyes and counting to four in her head, eins, zwei, drei, vier… but it did not help much, there was an undeniable strain in her voice as she put on a fake, hurtful smile and quipped: “I’m Austrian, so I guess I’m not as dangerous.”

Captain Rogers merely stared her down and simply ground out: “No.”

Kerstin bit her tongue in order to not say anything, to not rise to the bait, but someone behind her mumbled: “They’re at it again…” and her adamant self-control slipped a bit as she informed the oh so righteous Captain America: “Moreover, I am from the wrong generation. May I please tend to that cut? For you own good.”

“For my own good you stay away.”, Captain Rogers snarled. And something snapped.

“Fine, have it your way.”, Kerstin hissed in anger she could no longer hide, “But don’t come crying to me if that cut gets infected and leaves a scar on your poster face.”

“I’m safer from an infection if I stay away from your venom. And whatever crazy experiments you are concocting when no one’s there to keep you in check.”

Kerstin blinked, once, twice, she even glanced to the side to stall for time, to see if anyone, anyone really, would step up and defend her. Of course not. Why should they, all of a sudden? They never had before.

“My crazy experiments have saved your hide as many times out there as the rest of the team’s.”, she stated, her voice eerily calm in her own ears, but in a higher pitch than usual, “Many of the suits contain fibres and alloys I made, I invented. Miss Romanoff’s knives were designed according to her specifications and with my material. That suit of yours consists of a fibre I designed with Tony. And…”

Staring coldly at her, Captain Rogers interrupted her: “Tony’s involvement is the only reason I’m wearing it instead of having chucked it in the bin.”

Kerstin tried to calm herself with another deep breath, but she could not help herself and muttered: “Irgendwann bring ich ihn um…”

“I understood that!”, Steve growled at her, “Now you openly threaten to kill me?”

“That was a figure of speech…!”, Kerstin began defending herself, but then shook her head, angry in her defeat, “Alright, you know what? You win! I’ll always just be the Mad German Scientist for you even though I’m from Austria, you’ll always think I’m just out to kill you, make you a Frankenstein’s monster. Or whatever ridiculous reason you have for mistrusting me. I have tried so hard over the years, I tried to get rid of my accident…”

She stopped herself there, realising that her agitation had made her slip up and now, in combination with her anger that was already driving tears of rage to her eyes, she also choked up from hurt feelings, from the old feeling of never being good enough.

“I mean accent. Oh, what the hell, you don’t even care if I live or die, I’m just a Nazi to you anyway. You probably think I deserve to die.”

She had not wanted that outburst, had not planned on ever allowing him to see her tears, but after more than two years of constant hostility just because of her heritage, she had had enough. Kerstin knew full well that she had just gone ballistic, but she was beyond caring. Half-blinded from her tears, she reached for an antiseptic and shoved it against Captain Rogers’ chest, telling him in a barely contained sob: “But I’m not you, I do care whether any of you dies. So disinfect it, will you?”

With that, she stormed off, angrily wiping away tears of rage. Not even five steps from the infirmary, she regretted having lost control in there. What had she been thinking?

That was answered easily enough, she had in fact not been thinking at all, had not been able to after being hurt over and over again for reasons she did not comprehend, reasons that could not possibly be her fault.

Sniffling, she aimlessly wandered through the facility, trying to avoid any living being and somehow she wound up in the mess, now deserted as dinner was still a few hours away and lunch long since over. There Kerstin simply flopped down onto a chair, looking out the window without seeing anything, just waiting for her tears to stop flowing. She felt pathetic for having allowed them to see her cry, felt even more pathetic for allowing him to make her cry. But after years, she had had enough. She simply could not take this anymore, much less fight it. She did not want to any longer.

“Scheiße.”, she cursed in German, but only faintly, not having the energy or the will to throw a tantrum. She was just too tired for it.

With a shaky sigh, she decided that she probably should get back to her lab and her work as a materials scientist, to try and invent or further improve fibres and alloys that would protect the Avengers and SHIELD agents in battles to come. But she just could not force herself to stand up. That made her feel even more pathetic and inadequate, harsh resentments she had harboured all her life out of uncertainty of her skills…resentments Captain Rogers had aggravated every time they had met. Kerstin had had enough.

Just when she squared her shoulders to get over that “Trottel”, as she would have called a moron in her mother tongue, she heard the door to the mess being opened. Shyly glancing at the door, she hoped it would just be some passer-by, someone unrelated to the conflict in the infirmary. She then sighed as she recognised Sam and Tony, but shrugged as she thought that it could also have been worse. It could have been Captain Rogers himself.

“There you are, Sachertorte.”, Tony greeted her and, despite it all, it made her smile. If all else failed, Tony’s weird sense of humour was always there to save the day.

“We were worried.”, Sam chimed in and Kerstin shrugged, “Why? He insulted me, again, and this time I did not manage to keep my mouth shut. No harm done. At least not more than usual.”

“Don’t get me wrong, I think it was quite the show!”, Tony said, but Sam cut him off, “You’re not helping, Stark.”

“Sure I am!”, he defended himself, “Between you, me and Rogers, who’s made her laugh? Captain Tight-Pants?”

Kerstin did not know whether to laugh or cry at that, so she settled for a bit of both, but then she sighed: “Why are you here?”

“Just checking on my favourite materials scientist.”, Tony grinned at her, “Dunno why that damn bird had to tag along.”

Sam glared at him for that and then sat down across from Kerstin, looking her straight in the eye. Oh boy, she knew exactly what would come now. And she found herself proven right, once again, when Sam began: “You know, Steve is having a hard time…”

“Spare me.”, Kerstin interrupted him, “Please, Sam, spare me that same old litany. Are you really still trying to tell me that he has not yet had the time to adjust to the modern world he was thawed in after he’d been frozen in the 40ies? Well, he’s had two years. Get over it. Two years and what progress has he made? For two years I kept my mouth shut because everyone told me that Captain Rogers would “just need a little more time” to accept working with people that were still the enemy for him. Well, listen up. Not every German, nor every Austrian back then was a Nazi, there were people who were resisting it. Ever heard of Sophie Scholl and her brother? They were executed for their actions. There were people who were against the Nazis, but didn’t have the courage or the means to resist, they went along because they had to. Did you know that when there was a voting whether or not Austria should join Nazi Germany, people had to make their choice openly, with a Nazi soldier standing next to them, watching over their shoulders? Of course they voted yes, they had to! It was play along or be killed. What would an oh so righteous Steve Rogers have done when facing such a choice without the Serum? Huh? Not everyone was a Nazi back then and most certainly not now. But in his eyes, I am nothing but a Nazi. I doubt he even perceives me as human.”

“Kerry…”, Sam began, but she cut him off, hissing, “My name is Kerstin.”

He sighed at that, but she did not budge. She had had it with budging, with always turning the other cheek. Not this day.

In an attempt to loosen the palpable tension in the room, Tony shrugged: “Hey, you’re the scientist, we’re just the bunch of idiots stumbling from one Hydra base to the next.”

“Says Tony Stark who made millions from his ingenious ideas.”, Kerstin cynically shot at him and Tony snorted, “Please, I made billions!”

At this she rolled her eyes, but Tony addressed her again, calmer this time, so she knew it was not a joke, not entirely at least: “Okay, so you’re right, I’m a genius, but the rest of this bunch isn’t. I mean just look at Sam over here. Clearly not a genius.”

“I hope you have a point with that.”, Sam growled at him and Tony nodded with a happy grin, but it vanished as he looked at Kerstin, “So, Capsicle is, without a doubt, the biggest idiot of us all. So he says things he doesn’t mean. Stupid things.”

“That’s an excuse, a lame one, but not an exculpation.”, Kerstin snapped and Tony nodded, “True. But Soldier Boy seems really shaken up.”

“Excuse me?”, she asked, believing that she had to have misheard. “He is shaken up?”, she then repeated and Tony nodded eagerly, “Yeah, totally. I think he didn’t mean to make you cry. Though it made have something to do with Natasha tearing him a new one…”

“He is shaken up?”, Kerstin repeated once again, but it was not a question, instead she accused, “He is? What about me? Two years of his nonsense and now you two come running to me because poor Captain Rogers is “shaken up”? You can’t be serious!”

“Well…”, Tony began, but she cut him off, “No! Two years I endured whatever insult he threw my way because he was still adjusting, he was still having a hard time. Well, it’s been two years. He’s had plenty of time to adjust. But he hasn’t and from where I’m standing, he hasn’t even tried. So why should I care if he’s shaken up? I don’t. And from what he’s been saying to me, about me, he cannot really expect me to care either. So for once I’ll just be exactly what he’s always thought I was anyway. A backstabbing, conniving Nazi bitch!”

“I never thought that.”, none other than Captain Rogers’ voice made Kerstin turn around so quickly her neck protested against it.

“I never thought you were…”, he began anew, but Kerstin snorted, “What, a bitch? Come on, you accuse me like that for two years and can’t even say it?!”

Kerstin narrowed her eyes at him and too late she saw that Tony and Sam were sneakily toddling off.

“Cowards!”, she yelled after them, but that did not stop them of course. So she was alone with the one man she really, absolutely did not want to see right now. Maybe never.

She had to get out of there, now.

Accordingly, she got up without a word and determinedly made her way to the door with the resolve to simply walk out and leave Captain Rogers in the mess to rot. But he took a step to the side to block her way, did exactly what she had feared he would do. So, once again taking a deep breath to gain some patience and self-control, Kerstin closed her eyes for a second, then looked up at him and waited.

“I’m…I’m sorry.”, Captain Rogers sighed, “I’m sorry for what I said in the infirmary.”

Blinking up at him, Kerstin fully believed her ears had deceived her. But, seeing as he was just looking down at her, waiting, she came to the conclusion that her ears had in fact not deceived her. He had really just said that, he really had the nerve to be serious about this.

Scoffing indignantly, Kerstin asked: “Is that your opinion or Natasha’s condition so that she won’t torture you?” Captain Rogers averted his eyes in obvious shame, so Kerstin snarled: “Yeah, they told me!”

With that she brushed past him and walked out the door.

“I’m sorry!”, Captain Rogers called after her, but Kerstin paid him no mind, she simply kept walking, did not turn around.

“What do you want me to do?”, he then asked, anger audible in his voice, “Do you want me to beg?”

Snarling, Kerstin turned on her heel and glared daggers at him as she hissed: “I do hope for your own good that you did not just ask that question in earnest. Because if you did, you clearly don’t know the first thing about me. And you must think I’m really a backstabbing, conniving Nazi bitch!”

She saw him wince as she said that, but Kerstin turned around, shaking her head and fighting with all her might to not let him see more tears. Instead, she hid in her lab, where she always hid, and buried herself in work. It did not help that the design on her desk was one for a new Captain America suit. But she worked on it anyway and with the same proficiency as always.

However, she found it rather distracting how a few of the other scientists were whispering when they thought she was not hearing them, how they threw glances her way. Some of her colleagues had been with her in SHIELD before they had, after the Fall of SHIELD, been hired by Stark Industries same as her. Theirs were the loudest and most noticeable whispers.

With a sigh, Kerstin thought that the next few days would be just splendid when everyone was talking about her outburst behind her back. And, the next couple of days proved her sorely right. Some of the facility’s crew who were rather smitten with Captain Rogers were killing her with their eyes, her colleagues were whispering about her or outright shunning her.

Somewhere deep down, Kerstin had known that one day, this had been bound to happen, she had always been an outsider wherever she had gone, but that took the cake. On the fourth day of this, she had considerable difficulties to motivate herself enough to leave her bunk in the morning and when she did finally enter the lab almost on time, she found a bag on her desk, a quite suspicious looking bag. It was so suspicious in her eyes because it was a gift bag. No one had ever left a gift bag for her.

The only person who had ever presented her with a gift had been Tony and he would sure as heck have given the gift to her personally, just to gauge her reaction and to wallow in how great he was at picking gifts.

So was this a prank? With a weary sigh, she peeked into the blue bag, her favourite colour. Kerstin half expected it to blow paint up in her face or trigger a stink bomb. Anything but finding chocolate inside, chocolate she really liked and hardly treated herself to.

Frowning, she scanned the lab for anyone looking at her suspiciously – well, more suspiciously than during the last days – but she found no one who looked as if they expected her to eat the chocolate and poison herself with it. But, better safe than sorry, she decided not to eat them. Any idiot working in a lab could spike chocolates with laxatives.

So she sat the bag aside and began to work, at least she tried to, but the ever louder growing whispers were a formidable distraction. At some point she leaned back in her chair as all of a sudden a disquieting thought had flashed in her mind. Did she belong here? Or should she rather…?

She did not finish the thought, shied away from it. Moreover, she had more pressing problems when she spotted Captain Rogers enter the lab. He had never been down here.

It shocked her so deeply she had to steady herself even though she was sitting and once again she cursed herself for being so pathetic, but then she returned to her work, hoping against hope that he would leave soon, that he would not see her. But she knew perfectly well that he was headed towards her, practically making a beeline for her desk. Wonderful.

He even came to a halt right next to her desk, stayed there, then even leaned his elbows onto the surface, watching her. Irritably, she glanced at him, immediately cursing herself for it, but when she pretended to work - there was no way in hell she would be able to work while he was here – Captain Rogers unexpectedly addressed her: “Good morning, Dr. Shaver.”

It was unexpected, because she had not yet heard such civil words from him and never in such a friendly, polite tone.

“It’s Schäfer.”, she said, glancing at him as she turned the name tag on her lab coat in his direction. But as she did that, Kerstin realised for the first time that there was also a little tag on the gift bag. And that wretched little thing stated that the bag and the chocolates were from Steve Rogers saying “Sorry”. That was rich.

“So…”, Captain Rogers began, but Kerstin interrupted him without so much as glancing in his direction as she pointed at the gift bag: “What’s that?”

“Uhm…chocolates.”, he said, evidently caught by surprise, “Your favourite, or so Ms. Potts told me.”

Damn Pepper for knowing her too well. But Kerstin bit that curse back and instead turned to Captain Rogers, her lips pursed in anger that even intensified as she saw his shy schoolboy smile.

“Let me spell it out for you.”, she sternly spoke, “What are you trying to accomplish by giving me this bag of chocolates?”

“Your…forgiveness?”, he asked with an almost cute crooked grin and the most intense puppy eyes Kerstin had ever seen. How could such a big and powerful man look as innocent as a five-year-old? However, instead of softening her anger, this made it burn even hotter and she asked with an edge in her voice: “You want to earn my forgiveness by giving me a treat?”

He frowned at that, probably only realising from her tone that he had made a mistake, but not realising the mistake itself.

“I am a woman, a scientist.”, Kerstin hissed at him as she gathered her papers, “Not a dog!”

With that, she left her desk, deciding to work elsewhere… or call it a day early.

She heard Captain Rogers groan in exasperation and when she, against better judgement, allowed herself to glance back, she saw that he had hung his head, then shook it. No matter, she decided, she had taken pity on him long enough and what had he given her in return? Nothing but hostility. So what if he was trying to make amends?

Kerstin tried to keep her anger burning, but it did not work. In all earnest, she was simply too exhausted. And unbidden, that thought from earlier stealthily entered her mind again. Did she really belong here?

For years she had been sure, now even that little island of comfortable, reliable security was gone. Because of him.

Shaking her head, Kerstin really did call it a day and instead of working, she hid in her bunk to read. But not even that could captivate her mind, it was constantly returning to that maddening question. It even deprived her of sleep as she lay awake half the night, tossing and turning, questioning everything she had thought to know, to be sure of. It was maddening, saddening… and nothing new.

“Hello Darkness, my old friend.”, she cynically sang to herself, but at some point finally slept. However, she did not feel refreshed in the morning and she knew that she would not be able to deal with her whispering colleagues today. Not today, maybe never again.

So instead of heading over to the lab, she decided to forego her usual work and instead set up shop in the workshop, knowing that at one point Tony would come in, but most of the time, it would be deserted. And Tony she could deal with, he was a known variable in the confusing equation that the Avengers were to her. Him she could deal with, but she honestly did not want to see anyone else, not until she had been able to sort out her thoughts. But no such luck, she could neither work nor think about that haunting question. And that, really, was what gave her the answer. Maybe she had once belonged here, but apparently no more.

Blinking away tears, Kerstin forced her shaking fingers to type on the keyboard, to click open a file she never thought she would ever consider looking at. A letter of resignation.

“Oh God…”, she whispered, she was really considering it and strongly at that.

“Hey.”, a friendly greeting made her jump like a gunshot would have. But it was merely Tony, a cup of coffee, probably that or whiskey or both, in his hand as he sleepily grinned at her: “What are you doing here instead of in the lab?”

“What are you doing here instead of in bed?”, Kerstin shot back, irritated by how her heart was pounding with the feeling of having been caught, “It’s not even noon…”

“Pepper kicked me outta bed.”, Tony mumbled and sat down next to her, a sleepy but charming grin on his lips, “And what are you…no.”

Kerstin simply sighed and hung her head as he looked at her computer screen and saw what filed she had open.

“No, Sachertorte, you’re not…”, Tony began, suddenly fully awake as it seemed, “You…you can’t. You hear me, you can’t. You’re my best materials scientist. My favourite materials scientist!”

“Thank you.”, she weakly mumbled, “But… I can’t stay either. At least not here, not with…they Avengers. I can’t, Tony.”

“You have to.”, he urged, shaking his head. He even put his coffee aside to grasp her shoulders, “Who the hell is supposed to design materials that will save our asses out there? I sure as heck can’t do that on my own and be as awesome as I usually am at the same time. And Cap can’t do it either.”

“I know.”, Kerstin whispered, “But…”

“No.”, Tony harshly decided, “Don’t give in to that idiot!”

“It’s not just him!”, Kerstin suddenly screamed, as something in her giving way, a dam breaking, “It’s almost everyone down in the lab, too! So many people here who only see my heritage, not my skills or my personality, not me. Only the darkest spot of my country’s history…”

“Hey, honey.”, Tony began softly, but she cut him off with a harsh gesture. She was grateful for how much he cared, but it was enough. It was too much.

“No, Tony, don’t.”, she weakly muttered, but he did not give up, “You’re better than almost everyone down in the lab. What do you care what they say? Maybe they’re also just a bunch of idiots…”

“Then you wouldn’t have hired them for this operation.”, she gently interrupted, yet Tony had another argument in store, “Steve seems earnest in his apologies. He’s trying.”

“So?”, Kerstin shrugged, “He’s had two years. How am I supposed to suddenly believe him after two years?”

“Well…”, Tony tried, but then fell silent, just stared at her and Kerstin argued, “And even if I believed him it wouldn’t make much of a difference. It has been everywhere, Tony, everywhere. Wherever I’ve gone, there were always jokes about “my heritage” as if I had anything to do with Nazi ideology. It is all so far away from me, the War ended before even my parents were born! None of what happened back then is in any way my fault, yet the blame was always laid on me, back at home in history class they told us it was our fault and when I fled from there - yes, I fled home! – it was the same here, the very same. There were always jokes. Some of them were stupid, some with hidden contempt. But they were always there.”

Kerstin blinked, tried to will away the tears, but the first one ran down her cheek and others followed, she could not stop them.

“But Captain Rogers never even tried to hide his contempt.”, she then whispered shakily, sniffling, “He hated me openly and I still don’t know why. I cannot take this anymore.”

Tony in front of her sighed, brushed a strand of hair behind her ear and seeing how sweet he could be if he wanted to made her tears flow even more.

“You know, I think I could have taken that kind of contempt from someone else.”, she snorted with almost hysterical laughter that clenched her heart, “I think I could have taken it from you, seeing that you had the reputation of being a jerk sometimes.”

“Well, guilty as charged.”, Tony smirked crookedly and it wrenched a sob from Kerstin, “But you never were, not with me. You’re a strict boss, you want results, you can be a bit crazy sometimes, but you were never openly disrespectful or unreasonable. At least not totally unreasonable, I could always argue with you, make you see me point.”

Tony frowned, maybe he did not get what she was talking about, but Kerstin had to get it out nonetheless: “And you, with the reputation of being such a horrible jerk, you were a friend to me. But he has hated me from the moment we had met. And why? I don’t know. I can’t take that from him, from anyone else maybe, but not from him.”

“Are you saying…?”, Tony asked, blinking, and Kerstin frowned. But as soon as she caught his drift, she angrily pushed him away, “No! I most certainly do not have a crush on him! What do you take me for?”

“A girl?”, Tony said and she glared at him, so he raised his hands in defence and hastily added, “I get a lot of girls, at least I used to, but I just don’t understand you!”

It even made Kerstin grin a bit and Tony happily gave her his familiar smirk, winked at her as he put a finger under her chin to make her look up as he said: “And there’s that lovely smile again.”

That made it die on her lips and Kerstin sighed again before she explained: “I don’t have a crush on him, but I cannot take such unreasonable contempt from him, because… he’s so righteous. He’s Captain America, is he not? He’s supposed to stand for everything that’s good about America, freedom, equal chances… where was my chance?”

Tony opened his mouth, but then closed it again, for once seemingly at a loss for words.

“I did not get my chance.”, Kerstin sadly continued, “What he’s been doing to me for the last two years is wrong, but I was told that he needed more time to adjust and I gave him chance after chance, never to be given one of my own. It’s wrong, but everyone only ever defended him. I even get it, he’s more important than I am and that’s okay.”

For this Tony glared at her, but she raised a hand to stop him and instead quietly told him: “But it’s wrong and no one ever tried to see it. He still does not see it. So I’m leaving. I simply cannot take it anymore.”

Her voice broke at the last sentence and more tears spilled, so Kerstin hid her face in her hands, sobbing even though she did not want to, but she simply did not have the energy to fight it anymore. She needed to go.

“Oh come on!”, Tony suddenly grumbled and she looked up, but then realised that he was not looking at her, but off to the side… at Captain Rogers.

With a sigh of defeat, Kerstin’s shoulders slumped forward. She did not want to deal with him now, but he was intently looking at her, his face a grimace, she thought, of pain, of regret, but she simply turned away and ignored him.

“Not now, Cap.”, Tony grumbled, but Kerstin shrugged and instead started filling out the letter of resignation.

“Don’t.”, Captain Rogers said behind her, closer than before and she saw him sitting down on her other side, still staring at her as he repeated, “Please don’t.”

Kerstin sighed and then whispered, desperately trying to keep her tears from falling: “Please just… go away. I can’t deal with you now.”

A hand on her back made her look up and Kerstin saw Tony, an indefinable expression in his eyes as he looked over at Captain Rogers, then he addressed her with a reassuring smile: “I’ll be outside. If he does anything funny, holler and I’ll be there.”

When he stepped back, Kerstin reached for his hand, she did not want to be alone with the Captain right now! Maybe never! But Tony left and with a sigh, she decided to ignore Captain Rogers next to her. But no such luck.

“Dr.…Schäfer.”, he tried to get her attention and even though his pronunciation was still a bit off, she heard the difference, but she still was not willing to talk to him, so she stared at the laptop in front of her and spoke through gritted teeth: “I am already crying. Your job here is done.”

“I am sorry.”, he started another attempt and Kerstin took a deep breath. He could not be serious…

“I am sorry, Dr. Schäfer, for what I’ve done to you ever since we’ve met. I just…”

“Do not dare.”, she growled, a sound she had not thought herself capable of, “Do not dare to tell me you needed time to adjust. Just don’t.”

“That’s not what I was about to say.”, Captain Rogers told her and something in his sad, stricken voice made her believe him. She had to be utterly mad, that was what she thought, but she nevertheless looked at him, acknowledged his presence and he gave her a tense smile that did nothing to soften her resolve. But he was not disheartened as he added: “I could claim that I was thrown into a world I still don’t understand, and as much as that would be true, it still isn’t an excuse for how blind and how stupid I’ve been.”

Now Kerstin frowned, not believing that she was actually hearing this. And apparently, he knew that, for Captain Rogers gave her a curious smile: “Yeah, I was about as confused as you are now when Natasha almost ripped my head off in the infirmary a few days ago. And I was angry. Until she made me see.”

“If you are simply doing this because…”, Kerstin began, but he solemnly shook his head, “Not anymore. That first apology in the mess was, admittedly, mostly to get her off my back and you back on the team. But later… She made me see. Those four days after the mission, Natasha made me talk to your colleagues in the lab.”

“So that’s why they shunned me.”, Kerstin mumbled and she saw him gulp, “They did?”

She merely shrugged and told him with an aura of nonchalance she did not feel: “Not more than I expected them to after such an escalation.”

“I am sorry for that, too, then.”, he said and bit his lip, seeming genuinely guilty. It was hard to believe.

“Natasha made me realise how you’d been confronted with stupid jokes and mistrust and she told me that she, being Russian, had experienced similar things after the Cold War. I just…”

“You slept right through that part of history.”, Kerstin chuckled and it earned her a smile she could only describe as hopeful, “Yeah, I did. It still doesn’t explain just why I was such an idiot to you. Maybe I am simply an idiot. While it’s true that I was still coming to grips with the fact that seventy years had gone by that I missed entirely, that for me Germany and Austria were the enemy one moment and suddenly allies in the next… it doesn’t excuse that I never even tried to see you. That’s what it was, I never saw you as a person, I only saw the old enemy. Because… that was easier.”

She blinked a few times and it took Captain Rogers the same time to take a deep breath, to seemingly prepare for baring something to her he wanted to be kept hidden.

“It was easier because… this whole world confused me. It still confuses me. And… I fell right into that dangerous trap that has already cost so many lives. I hated you because it was easier than trying to understand. It gave me a sense of security I had lost. Everything around me was different, so I wanted at least one familiar thing to hold onto. Distrust of German scientists was the first thing I snatched at.”

Kerstin was staring at him, comprehending what he was trying to say, but still not believing it. With a sad, self-loathing groan, Captain Rogers added: “Says a lot about me that I chose that bit of safety, huh?”

Kerstin gulped, then closed her eyes for a moment and asked: “Let me get this straight. You clutched at unreasonable hatred for me as a straw in a world that confuses you…just to feel better?”

“When…you say it like that it sounds ever more awful than it already is.”, Captain Rogers mumbled slowly and when she looked at him, looked him in the eye to determine if he was really serious about this, he added, “I am deeply sorry.”

“It’s a start.”, Kerstin said and with one click, she closed the letter of resignation on the laptop, but then she stood up and as Captain Rogers followed suit, looking at her, she added, her voice choked, “I’m just not sure it’s enough after all that’s happened.”

With that, she left him standing there in the workshop, not willing to discuss this further. Thankfully, he did not try to follow her and with a sob she admitted to herself that she would have no longer been able to suppress her tears, so she let them flow freely.

“Hey, you okay?”, Tony asked and he, of course, did follow her, but Kerstin gestured for him to go away, not able to really form words.

“One word, honey, one word and I will rip his dumb head off.”, Tony offered, but Kerstin shook her head, not stopping as she shakily told him, “No, just… leave me alone for a while, okay?”

“If you really want that…”, Tony trailed off, but when she ran, he did not stop her. So Kerstin retired to her bunk and rolled into a shaking ball on her bed.

For a few minutes, she allowed her tears to flow, then she cursed in German and sat up, mumbling: “This is so messed up…”

And it was. An Avenger, one of Earth’s Mightiest Heroes, had apparently needed some sort of vent and had chosen her for it, had not cared a fig for how she had felt in all that, but simply used her to feel better. Yes, she felt used, mistreated.

But, curse her compassionate heart and her parents’ respectful upbringing, she felt for him, understood him. With a burst of anger, she thought that she should not tolerate ignorance and mistreatment like that… but, frankly, in her heart she was already sympathising with Captain Rogers, had been sympathising ever since he had told her his reasons in the workshop.

Hell, if she was really honest with herself, she had been sympathising with him ever since they had thawed him, she had almost expected him to lash out in all the confusion he had to have experienced. But he had seemed so calm, so self-reliant that back then she had dismissed her initial concern for his possible difficulties in the transition. Now she had been proven right, but in a way she had simply never expected. Moreover, having an actual, understandable reason for his actions gave her a sense of ease she did not really comprehend, but could not deny either.

Snorting indignantly, Kerstin realised that she was already halfway to forgiving him. Damn his puppy-eyes, damn her soft spot for outsiders like herself. Damn it all to hell and back.

She was still angry, but determined to just give Captain Rogers one more chance, one chance to prove to her that he had learned, had adjusted and was really trying to make amends. If he blew that too, she swore to herself that she would leave him to rot.

Still fuming, but calmer now that she had reached a decision, Kerstin sat up and went over to her PC, hoping to get at least some work done despite the confusion and agitation of the last couple of days. But before she got to work, her mobile phone chimed with a received message. It was from Tony and it did not fail to make her smile as she read: “If you don’t tell me you’re okay within three minutes, I’ll break down your door with the Mark 45.”

Wiping away a tear, she quickly typed a response, only saying that she was okay and working form her own room. Upon hitting the button to send the message, she thought that if she had told her boss she was working, she ought to really do it. So once again she tried to push the agitation of the last couple of days away and this time, she succeeded.

After more than four hours of work, hours she had not realised she had been working, and efficiently at that, she smirked to herself and thought that it honestly helped to know just why some people did stupid things. It helped even more to be convinced that they were indeed sorry, but a reason was a good start. Yet she was not willing to mull it over just yet, Kerstin wanted to sleep it over and then deal with it all in the morning, so she kept working. Nothing too difficult, just backlogged files, documentation that had not been finished to her satisfaction.

And when finally all this usually boring work was done, she stretched and sighed, happy to have gotten it out of the way. She had actually been more or less productive, despite still being hurt over Captain Rogers’ insults. With a crooked smile, she allowed herself to hope that maybe all this would stop now. But she then forbade herself to go there and instead decided to wait and see.

As her stomach rumbled, Kerstin muttered: “Dinner first, though.”

With that, she started making her way to the mess, but she stopped before she left her room, readying herself for anything this madhouse and its inhabitants might throw at her. Then she walked over to the mess, a confident smile on her lips, but she frowned incuriosity when she passed the kitchen. That smell…she knew it, but she could not quite place it. Kerstin knew it perfectly well, it made her think of something far away, made her feel…safe. Strange.

Both intrigued and a bit uneasy, she decided to investigate and shyly peeked into the kitchen. Only to stumble in her utter astonishment.

“Hi.”, Captain Rogers shyly said, a spatula in his hand and he standing in front of the stove, “It’s…not quite ready yet.”

“Is that…?”, Kerstin asked, utterly bewildered, disbelieving when she saw what he was cooking, “I…didn’t know you were a cook.”

“There’s a whole lot of things we don’t know about each other.”, Captain Rogers began with a shrug and an insecure smile, “But I do hope to amend that mistake. I thought eating together would be a good start.”

“This…is f-for…me?”, Kerstin stuttered, her eyes darting to and fro between Captain Rogers and the meal he was just dishing out on two plates and with a smile he corrected, “Well, I’d hoped we could eat it together, so it’s for us. But…I’ll leave you alone if you want me to.”

“No…”, she just shook her head in disbelief and meekly sat down at the table he indicated, just off to the side. When he placed one of the plates in front of her, Kerstin’s head snapped up to look at him and she stuttered: “You made Kaiserschmarrn…for me?”

“Yeah.”, he nodded as he sat down across from her, “Well, I tried to. It wasn’t easy to find a recipe I understood. But from what I gathered, it’s a bit like a… pancake torn to pieces, sprinkled with sugar and soaked in plum sauce. How far off am I?”

“Kaiserschmarrn und Zwetschkenröster…”, Kerstin mumbled the meal’s original name and then blinked at Captain Rogers, a tear making its way down her cheek.

“I had actually hoped for once not to make you cry.”, he said and she chuckled, sniffling and wiping away the tears, then she asked him with a sad smile, “Do you have any idea when I have last eaten this? That was back when my mother made it for me and that…was years ago, back at home. I thought I’d never get it here…”

“Then I hope you’ll like it.”, Captain Rogers said and with a smile, they both began to eat, at first in silence, but as soon as Kerstin had had the first bite she could not help but moan and cry once again at the taste.

“You…you’re dead on target with this.”, Kerstin then told Captain Rogers and he sighed in relief, then chuckled together with her and asked, “Would you tell me what the name means? I couldn’t find an explanation.”

“There is no accurate translation.”, Kerstin shrugged while they continued to eat, “A “Schmarrn” is a heap of dough, baked or cooked, the important thing is that it looks a bit willy-nilly. Like this.”

Saying that she indicated her plate with her fork and they both grinned at it, so she continued her explanation: “And the Kaiser was the emperor, so the closest translation I can think of would be “The Emperor’s heap of dough”. Something along those lines.”

Captain Rogers frowned and smiled at that before he said: “You are a weird folk.”

Kerstin fell silent and when he obviously realised what he had said, he added: “I didn’t mean… I didn’t mean that in a bad way. I’m sorry if you thought I did. It’s just… a “heap of dough” seems unfitting for an emperor, doesn’t it?”

“That’s the funny thing about it.”, Kerstin grinned, happy to see he had not meant to insult, “No one knows exactly how that name came to be, but legend has it that this meal was served to the Empress, specifically invented for her to meet her dietary preferences, but she did not like it. Her husband the Emperor then offered to eat it to save the cook from his wife’s anger. However, he enjoyed it very much and that’s why it was named his meal. It’s as good an explanation as any.”

When they had both finished their portions, Captain Rogers asked: “I hope you still have some appetite left.”

“Why is that, Captain?”, she wanted to know and it made him pause as he was clearing away the dishes, then he mused, “We’ve fought so many times over such stupid things. That was my fault, yes. But now that we sit here as, hopefully, friends or two people on their way to a friendship, maybe you could simply use my name.”

“Okay, Steve.” ,she nodded and he gave her a smile for it, then cleared away the dishes and returned with two more plates. Setting hers before her, he wished: “Guten Appetit, Kerstin.”

His pronunciation was totally off, but she did not comment when she saw what else he had prepared.

“Sachertorte.”, she smiled, shaking her head, “Wow, you really are serious.”

He shrugged, once again looking up at her through his lashes and looking every bit like a guilty schoolboy as he apologetically mumbled: “I was wrong and I have a lot to make up for. This is not supposed to be bribery or…just a treat, I do know you’re a woman, a fine woman, but… I just wanted to understand some of your culture, of your heritage. Your true heritage. Tony assured me Austrian cuisine was good, so I gave it a try. And so far it seems to have worked, hasn’t it?”

“It has.”, Kerstin smiled and took up her fork, “But even more so has your explanation. Don’t get me wrong, I do think your reasoning was incredibly stupid, but… I can sympathise. You were an outsider because you were from another time, I was an outsider here because I come from another country. It took both of us some time and some errors to adjust. I can understand that.”

“Thank you.”, Steve said and together they ate, but Kerstin muttered with a grin, “This makes me think you should feel guilty more often. Your cooking is amazing.”

“You haven’t seen my cooking when I’m really trying to make someone happy.”, Steve joked and they both laughed at it, then she said, “Maybe I’ll get the chance. Anyway, I’m looking forward to it.”

He nodded at her and they finished their cake in silence. What Kerstin had not said was that she was also looking forward to how their attempt at friendship would play out. She hoped for the best and with a hopeful look at her newly gained friend, she really was confident that they had a chance to be friends from now on.


End file.
